There isn't a manual available for parents with children in prison. There is no layout on the proper things to do, to say or how to cope with the pain. When my cell phone rings and I see in the window "Unavailable ID" my heart flutters. I am so happy to know that she is okay because she is on the other end of the line but I also have to take a deep breath because I don't know what I am going to be facing.
Her days are filled with chaos and noise. Women talking, doors banging and tempers flaring. She is in a women's prison that is overcrowded, there is no room and now they have begun to lock them down even earlier. Krista has been living in the bus stop for the past 6 weeks or so. She and Rena moved to Val's unit so they could be housed in the same building. Last winter was tough as in order to see Val they would have to stand outside in the cold. You can't go in a building that is not your own. There was one bed open and the two girls. Krista called "I'm in the bus stop , Mom." The bus stop is a large room that houses 14 to 15 women. They share one toilet that is located in the cell. It is not a fun place to be...locked down at night with these women.
I asked her why she is in the bus stop. She tells me there was one bed available and she knew Rena would not be able to handle living with all those women. Krista took a deep breath. "So, I went into the bus stop." My heart felt heavy. I knew this could be a long ordeal. What do I say?
There is no manual for what to say...how can I tell her it would be alright, it sounded so cliche.
I cleared my throat and wiped the tears away..."I know it will be hard, honey. I am proud of you for doing what was best for your friend. We will pray that a room opens up."
I question myself as I wait for her reply...did I comfort her, did I make her feel alright? How can anyone feel alright in a place like prison. Her reply "Thanks mom. It will be okay."
Phone calls and tears. The bus stop is a hard place to adjust too. A woman in there has a disease that Krista fears and at night she moans and scratchs herself until she draws blood. The phone rings...caller: Unavailable I.D . "I can't sleep , Mom. They are never quiet. They don't have jobs yet and I do. I have to get up early."
No manual to tell me what to say...this isn't a rooming situation where you can just politely ask someone to be quiet. you are in a room of women who are detoxing and smell so horrible. This is a room that holds drug dealers, murderers, bank robbers and the list goes on. Krista has had to learn to walk that fine line of standing up for herself without causing a big situation.
Sometimes the phone rings and her voice tells me so much. Her frustration level is so high and she is afraid she will just lose it. She can't make it another day...there is no manual for how you tell your child, your sweet daughter that she will be okay in prison. I try to assure that we are here for her, that she is very loved and she is going to be okay.
There is no human manual on what to do but there is a road map to guide us through this valley of tears. God's Word gives us the hope that keeps our feet moving. It gives us the words to bless our girls in that prison and to picture a future for them.
Last night the phone rang : "Unavailable I.D". I answered..."Hello Sweetie" and I heard a voice, a sweet voice that you could tell was smiling "I got out of the bus stop today!"
8 comments:
How comforting to know that we have a God who lives with us, no matter where we are.....even in the bus stop!!
Thank you Shari for opening your heart to us, so that we can get a glimpse of God's grace working in and through your life!
Shari, You`r story has been very emotional for me. I have cryed, and cryed some more!! As a mother, my heart hurts with you! I also know we serve a wonderful,and great GOD, and I can see how he is using you and you`r family for good in helping others. Even in a sad, unhappy, and grieving situation. My prayers and thoughts are with you! God Bless all of you! Delene
The tears are flowing again. Shari, this journey you are on and sharing with all of us is incredibly touching. I cannot begin to imagine the eternity of silence between those "Unavailable ID" calls, but I feel your soul and I hurt with you. You may have heard this song, but I wanted to share it with you,
Author, Babbie Mason and Eddie Carswell penned this song,
All things work for our good
though sometimes we can’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what’s best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
and you just can’t see Him,
Remember He’s still on the throne.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.
He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So don’t live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
but He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, He’s weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.
Thank you for giving us a snap shot of your life.
Y'all are in my prayers. God bless you richly. Becky
My sweet Shari Girl,
How I wish I could hold you and comfort you and make all this okay. Once again, my heart ached and my eyes shed many tears as I read what you've shared. This is such a compelling/heart wrenching journey, with all the twists and turns ~ never knowing what's around the bend.
It is reassuring to know that even when we have to 'pass through' the bus stops of life, the Lord has promised that His grace is sufficient for us. He won't leave us at those bus stops. As David said, 'What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.' David knew that he would face fearful circumstances but he also knew that the promise to him was that 'I will never leave you nor forsake you....' so that he could boldly say, "The Lord is my helper and I will not fear what men can do to me." Courage is not operating without fear. It is doing the right thing even when you are afraid. By Krista volunteering to take her friend's place, she showed great courage and love. As the Scripture says, "Greater love has no man than to lay down his life for a friend.
Many times we equate laying down our lives as literally dying for another. In reality, our life is made up of the time that we have on earth. When we give of our time for others, we are truly laying down our lives for our friends. Both you and Krista are exemplary in this area.
Joseph was faithful in the many difficult circumstances he found himself in. I'm sure he didn't always feel good about his situation, but he still did what was right. I know that Krista's current environment, while extremely arduous, is offering her numerous opportunities to demonstrate the love of Christ and she is making a veritable difference in the lives of those with whom she has come in contact.
Although in the midst of these trying times, it is sometimes difficult to remember that what Satan has meant for evil, God can turn into good. He will restore what the canker worm (Satan) has destroyed. And this is the victory that overcomes the world...even our faith. Jesus told Peter..."I have prayed for you that your faith fail you not." We are diligently praying that Krista will continue to trust in Him. He cannot and will not fail her nor will He abandon her. He believes in her and so do we.
Shari, you are one remarkable lady and have been through the 'fire' so often in your life. We are continuing to pray that God will give you the grace, strength, and wisdom that you need as you deal with the day to day pressures. As you support Krista, you are setting the example that she is following inside the prison walls. Keep up the good work. I am really proud of you.
I love you!
Noni
Oh Shari . . . no wonder I keep a box of Kleenex by my computer. What a storm you are going through. My heart hurts for y'all. Thanks for sharing your heart so that we can help bear your heavy burden. I wish I had something profound to say. We are praying for you and we love you deeply. May God hold you in the palm of His hand and keep all of you safe.
HE MAKETH NO MISTAKE
My Father’s way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache.
But in my soul I’m glad I know,
He maketh no mistake.
My cherished plan may go astray,
My hopes made fade away.
But I’ll still trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.
Though night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break,
I place my trust, my all in Him.
He maketh no mistake.
There’s so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight far too dim.
But come what may, I’ll simply trust
And leave it all to Him.
For by and by the mist will lift,
And plain it all He’ll make.
Through all the way, though dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
~~ Rosalie ~~
Shari! Thank you so much for sharing with us your incredible journey. I can't even begin to tell you how much you bless and inspire me. What a beautiful role model you are. Know that we are holding you and yours up in prayer tonight, and thanking God for moving Krista to a better room. Love ya!
Judy B.
Thank you for leaving signposts as you travel through your valley of tears...
GRACE is leading you..and Krista...home...
Dear Shari,
I read 'My Daughter's House'...how heart wrenching! I cried tears of pain and of joy! Krista(as well as the rest of the family)is in my prayers.
Krista is MORE than a conqueror, she can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens her. NO weapon formed against her shall prosper, any tongue that rises up(including the tongue of Satan) shall be condemned. This peace, righteousness, triumph over opposition is the heritage of the servants of the Lord.
She has not been given a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. Favor with God and man surrounds Krista like a mighty shield! If God be for her , who can be against her? Greater is He that is in her than he that is in the world.
So Shari, cast ALL your cares, worries and anxieties on Him for He WILL take care of Krista and all that concerns you and your family.
Love,
Patti
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