No Manual

There isn't a manual available for parents with children in prison. There is no layout on the proper things to do, to say or how to cope with the pain. When my cell phone rings and I see in the window "Unavailable ID" my heart flutters. I am so happy to know that she is okay because she is on the other end of the line but I also have to take a deep breath because I don't know what I am going to be facing.

Her days are filled with chaos and noise. Women talking, doors banging and tempers flaring. She is in a women's prison that is overcrowded, there is no room and now they have begun to lock them down even earlier. Krista has been living in the bus stop for the past 6 weeks or so. She and Rena moved to Val's unit so they could be housed in the same building. Last winter was tough as in order to see Val they would have to stand outside in the cold. You can't go in a building that is not your own. There was one bed open and the two girls. Krista called "I'm in the bus stop , Mom." The bus stop is a large room that houses 14 to 15 women. They share one toilet that is located in the cell. It is not a fun place to be...locked down at night with these women.

I asked her why she is in the bus stop. She tells me there was one bed available and she knew Rena would not be able to handle living with all those women. Krista took a deep breath. "So, I went into the bus stop." My heart felt heavy. I knew this could be a long ordeal. What do I say?
There is no manual for what to say...how can I tell her it would be alright, it sounded so cliche.
I cleared my throat and wiped the tears away..."I know it will be hard, honey. I am proud of you for doing what was best for your friend. We will pray that a room opens up."

I question myself as I wait for her reply...did I comfort her, did I make her feel alright? How can anyone feel alright in a place like prison. Her reply "Thanks mom. It will be okay."

Phone calls and tears. The bus stop is a hard place to adjust too. A woman in there has a disease that Krista fears and at night she moans and scratchs herself until she draws blood. The phone rings...caller: Unavailable I.D . "I can't sleep , Mom. They are never quiet. They don't have jobs yet and I do. I have to get up early."

No manual to tell me what to say...this isn't a rooming situation where you can just politely ask someone to be quiet. you are in a room of women who are detoxing and smell so horrible. This is a room that holds drug dealers, murderers, bank robbers and the list goes on. Krista has had to learn to walk that fine line of standing up for herself without causing a big situation.

Sometimes the phone rings and her voice tells me so much. Her frustration level is so high and she is afraid she will just lose it. She can't make it another day...there is no manual for how you tell your child, your sweet daughter that she will be okay in prison. I try to assure that we are here for her, that she is very loved and she is going to be okay.

There is no human manual on what to do but there is a road map to guide us through this valley of tears. God's Word gives us the hope that keeps our feet moving. It gives us the words to bless our girls in that prison and to picture a future for them.

Last night the phone rang : "Unavailable I.D". I answered..."Hello Sweetie" and I heard a voice, a sweet voice that you could tell was smiling "I got out of the bus stop today!"