There isn't a manual available for parents with children in prison. There is no layout on the proper things to do, to say or how to cope with the pain. When my cell phone rings and I see in the window "Unavailable ID" my heart flutters. I am so happy to know that she is okay because she is on the other end of the line but I also have to take a deep breath because I don't know what I am going to be facing.
Her days are filled with chaos and noise. Women talking, doors banging and tempers flaring. She is in a women's prison that is overcrowded, there is no room and now they have begun to lock them down even earlier. Krista has been living in the bus stop for the past 6 weeks or so. She and Rena moved to Val's unit so they could be housed in the same building. Last winter was tough as in order to see Val they would have to stand outside in the cold. You can't go in a building that is not your own. There was one bed open and the two girls. Krista called "I'm in the bus stop , Mom." The bus stop is a large room that houses 14 to 15 women. They share one toilet that is located in the cell. It is not a fun place to be...locked down at night with these women.
I asked her why she is in the bus stop. She tells me there was one bed available and she knew Rena would not be able to handle living with all those women. Krista took a deep breath. "So, I went into the bus stop." My heart felt heavy. I knew this could be a long ordeal. What do I say?
There is no manual for what to say...how can I tell her it would be alright, it sounded so cliche.
I cleared my throat and wiped the tears away..."I know it will be hard, honey. I am proud of you for doing what was best for your friend. We will pray that a room opens up."
I question myself as I wait for her reply...did I comfort her, did I make her feel alright? How can anyone feel alright in a place like prison. Her reply "Thanks mom. It will be okay."
Phone calls and tears. The bus stop is a hard place to adjust too. A woman in there has a disease that Krista fears and at night she moans and scratchs herself until she draws blood. The phone rings...caller: Unavailable I.D . "I can't sleep , Mom. They are never quiet. They don't have jobs yet and I do. I have to get up early."
No manual to tell me what to say...this isn't a rooming situation where you can just politely ask someone to be quiet. you are in a room of women who are detoxing and smell so horrible. This is a room that holds drug dealers, murderers, bank robbers and the list goes on. Krista has had to learn to walk that fine line of standing up for herself without causing a big situation.
Sometimes the phone rings and her voice tells me so much. Her frustration level is so high and she is afraid she will just lose it. She can't make it another day...there is no manual for how you tell your child, your sweet daughter that she will be okay in prison. I try to assure that we are here for her, that she is very loved and she is going to be okay.
There is no human manual on what to do but there is a road map to guide us through this valley of tears. God's Word gives us the hope that keeps our feet moving. It gives us the words to bless our girls in that prison and to picture a future for them.
Last night the phone rang : "Unavailable I.D". I answered..."Hello Sweetie" and I heard a voice, a sweet voice that you could tell was smiling "I got out of the bus stop today!"
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Childhood Friends Come Together
I remember reading once about a child being scared during a thunderstorm running into his parents room and jumping into bed with them. The father reminded the child that he was never alone but that God was with him...the little boy snuggled closer to his father and said "Yes, I know God is with me but sometimes I need someone with skin on!" That is what true friendship is...God's love coming from someone with skin on!
In life, we are blessed by so many forms of friendships but that deep friendship that runs true through thick or thin is rare to find...but once you experience it is something you never want to let go of...
Krista has found this so true...she has some of those gems in her life.
Kelly was and is Krista's best friend. They met when they were 8 years old. That was 14 years ago...14 years of memories, 14 years of creating a bond that even prison could not break!
I remember when we travelled as families to Frank's parents farm, the girls quickly latched onto the old farm truck...with Kelly's little sister, Sharla sitting between them they would take turns driving around the perimeter of the farm...for hours! They were two peas in a pod. Both had senses of humor that would bring you to tears, they were sweet, they were caring and they created a bond that went beyond the talk show videos they made, the sleep overs, the trips, the shopping, going to school together... they created a bond that in the worse scenarios of life it would hold.... the love they have was there for all those great memories but it was even greater through the pain.
As we werein the midst of loading a U Haul truck with the help of our friends, as we were moving down to the States to be closer to Krista, we stopped for a moment as Laurie, Kelly's mom, had brought a video out. A video of the girls doing a remake of a song off of Grease. Krista was Danny, Sharla was Sandy and Kelly was the camera man. We sat and watched laughing and crying at the same time. It was a moment I will never forget.
Kelly has been a faithful friend. She has written Krista a lot of letters that would classify as mini novels. She has sent money so Krista could call her. Just recently Sharla and Kelly made a real sacrifice, they flew down here to see Krista. We drove the 9 hours to the prison and made it in time for visiting. We went through the process of getting into the visitation room and waited for that big metal door to open. Finally, she walked through. Her eyes scanned the room for us and then she saw the girls. She began to run and they ran...tears flowing from every eye as Krista grabbed Kelly weeping and hanging on for dear life. She next hugged Sharla, she pulled back and looked at Sharla who had gone from being a 15 year old girl to being a beautiful young woman of 18 years of age. Now, she was in my arms, the tears continuing to flow...the emotional flood gates of waiting for this visit, for seeing these girls after 3 years of separation had hit the heart.
It was a wonderful weekend. Lots of laughs, memories and just plain old catching up. Krista talked to each of us alone...wanting the best for each of us. Wanting to share her heart privately to each in her unique way.
Our goodbyes were hard. Tears at leaving her behind, her tears of being left behind. I found it difficult to go. A lot of water has passed under the bridge of life since those girls made their home made videos. The last video made was sent to the Judge who sentenced Krista. Kelly poured her heart out. As Krista sat in that court room and watched that video for the first time, seeing her friend talk about who Krista is and how she deserved a second chance...well, Krista just sat there and wept...this was true friendship at its peak, this was Jonathan and David friendship...this is a friendship that walls of barbed wire, guards, keys, and guard towers can not destroy... it is sisterhood!
In life, we are blessed by so many forms of friendships but that deep friendship that runs true through thick or thin is rare to find...but once you experience it is something you never want to let go of...
Krista has found this so true...she has some of those gems in her life.
Kelly was and is Krista's best friend. They met when they were 8 years old. That was 14 years ago...14 years of memories, 14 years of creating a bond that even prison could not break!
I remember when we travelled as families to Frank's parents farm, the girls quickly latched onto the old farm truck...with Kelly's little sister, Sharla sitting between them they would take turns driving around the perimeter of the farm...for hours! They were two peas in a pod. Both had senses of humor that would bring you to tears, they were sweet, they were caring and they created a bond that went beyond the talk show videos they made, the sleep overs, the trips, the shopping, going to school together... they created a bond that in the worse scenarios of life it would hold.... the love they have was there for all those great memories but it was even greater through the pain.
As we werein the midst of loading a U Haul truck with the help of our friends, as we were moving down to the States to be closer to Krista, we stopped for a moment as Laurie, Kelly's mom, had brought a video out. A video of the girls doing a remake of a song off of Grease. Krista was Danny, Sharla was Sandy and Kelly was the camera man. We sat and watched laughing and crying at the same time. It was a moment I will never forget.
Kelly has been a faithful friend. She has written Krista a lot of letters that would classify as mini novels. She has sent money so Krista could call her. Just recently Sharla and Kelly made a real sacrifice, they flew down here to see Krista. We drove the 9 hours to the prison and made it in time for visiting. We went through the process of getting into the visitation room and waited for that big metal door to open. Finally, she walked through. Her eyes scanned the room for us and then she saw the girls. She began to run and they ran...tears flowing from every eye as Krista grabbed Kelly weeping and hanging on for dear life. She next hugged Sharla, she pulled back and looked at Sharla who had gone from being a 15 year old girl to being a beautiful young woman of 18 years of age. Now, she was in my arms, the tears continuing to flow...the emotional flood gates of waiting for this visit, for seeing these girls after 3 years of separation had hit the heart.
It was a wonderful weekend. Lots of laughs, memories and just plain old catching up. Krista talked to each of us alone...wanting the best for each of us. Wanting to share her heart privately to each in her unique way.
Our goodbyes were hard. Tears at leaving her behind, her tears of being left behind. I found it difficult to go. A lot of water has passed under the bridge of life since those girls made their home made videos. The last video made was sent to the Judge who sentenced Krista. Kelly poured her heart out. As Krista sat in that court room and watched that video for the first time, seeing her friend talk about who Krista is and how she deserved a second chance...well, Krista just sat there and wept...this was true friendship at its peak, this was Jonathan and David friendship...this is a friendship that walls of barbed wire, guards, keys, and guard towers can not destroy... it is sisterhood!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Behind the Wall
Before being sent to W.V , Krista was in a holding facility from Dec 2005 until August of 2006. It was built just like a prison but smaller. Instead of being run by the state or by the feds it was run by a private company for the Marshals. She was allowed outside in a small courtyard for 1 hour of the day if the weather was decent. The facility was surrounded by fences and barb wire. Inside, the place was packed wall to wall with women. If you were new, you either slept on the floor of a multipurpose room or if you were lucky enough to be placed in a cell you had to sleep on a thin mat on the floor until a cell mate was moved out to another prison. It was a place of drama, fighting and emotional pain. So many women crowded with no place to go to be by themselves was a situation made for constant panic and chaos. Women were always being placed in the hole...there you were locked away by yourself and you would think it would create a place of peace for the moment but instead it created fear and panic.
Krista found that friendship in prison was based on 2 groups...those who made bad choices and wanted a new life and those who can't wait to go back to the life that landed them in there. She meet different people who filled her life with moments of joy in the midst of such emotional pain.
One lady was named Jym...a lovely older lady who was in on a probation violation. Jym had spent alot of her years making bad choices, she had a daughter that she really didn't know how to relate with. Jym would read my letters to Krista to know how to write her own daughter. Krista asked for us to buy Jym a Bible...we have bought many Bibles for the women in Krista's life.
Thanksgiving Day, Krista and her friends heard yelling in Jym's cell. A woman was in there beating her. The guards were no where to be seen, they were watching a football game. Krista got herself and her friends to bust a door open that was jammed. They were pulling the woman off of Jym when the guards came in. Krista and her friends were put in the hole for interfering. I was so proud of her! A guard brought her a phone and allowed her to call us so we would know what had happened. Most of the guards liked Krista, so that did help her.
Krista was calling home often for help for other women. Krista was the youngest in there and the only one who did not have a child. Yet she was the nurturer. She would buy extra rice and noodles, soap, shampoo etc to share with new inmates who did not have anything. The food was awful in the facility. The women would take the food and add items they would buy from the commissary to create something edible. Those who had some money shared with those who didn't. Krista was drawing pictures and coloring them for Mothers to use as stationary to write their children on. We would buy cards and send in coloring book pictures for her to use as guides.
She worried about the kids whose moms were in there. Some of them had not talked to their children in months. Krista began to tell us the stories of these women's lives and we could hear the voices behind the walls. Stories of women raising their kids on their own who had never done drugs but they were going to be evicted from their homes or apartments and so made the bad choice of becoming a drug mule. Carrying drugs across the country. One girl got caught on her first ever trip. She had been in about 6 months and Krista wanted her to be able to talk to her children. We sent her money to buy a phone card. In the midst of Krista telling us and wishing for more phone cards an idea began to form. I had already been speaking in churches before Krista's arrest but had stopped because of our emotional pain. But the time had come to get out of the ashes and get to not only living but to bring a little joy behind those old walls. I went to a church and shared Krista's story. They took an offering and over $3000.00 was raised. We bought phone cards and Bibles...it was amazing! Our local church raised money and other churches and even a few youth groups! We have helped a lot of girls because of Krista's story.
It isn't easy to have your life mistakes talked about publicly but Krista wants others to see how quickly situations and choices can snowball.
Behind those walls is someones daughter, someones mother, someones sister...many are forgotten but their voices echo as they cry out for help, for love...for hope. We have what they need, if we listen.
Krista found that friendship in prison was based on 2 groups...those who made bad choices and wanted a new life and those who can't wait to go back to the life that landed them in there. She meet different people who filled her life with moments of joy in the midst of such emotional pain.
One lady was named Jym...a lovely older lady who was in on a probation violation. Jym had spent alot of her years making bad choices, she had a daughter that she really didn't know how to relate with. Jym would read my letters to Krista to know how to write her own daughter. Krista asked for us to buy Jym a Bible...we have bought many Bibles for the women in Krista's life.
Thanksgiving Day, Krista and her friends heard yelling in Jym's cell. A woman was in there beating her. The guards were no where to be seen, they were watching a football game. Krista got herself and her friends to bust a door open that was jammed. They were pulling the woman off of Jym when the guards came in. Krista and her friends were put in the hole for interfering. I was so proud of her! A guard brought her a phone and allowed her to call us so we would know what had happened. Most of the guards liked Krista, so that did help her.
Krista was calling home often for help for other women. Krista was the youngest in there and the only one who did not have a child. Yet she was the nurturer. She would buy extra rice and noodles, soap, shampoo etc to share with new inmates who did not have anything. The food was awful in the facility. The women would take the food and add items they would buy from the commissary to create something edible. Those who had some money shared with those who didn't. Krista was drawing pictures and coloring them for Mothers to use as stationary to write their children on. We would buy cards and send in coloring book pictures for her to use as guides.
She worried about the kids whose moms were in there. Some of them had not talked to their children in months. Krista began to tell us the stories of these women's lives and we could hear the voices behind the walls. Stories of women raising their kids on their own who had never done drugs but they were going to be evicted from their homes or apartments and so made the bad choice of becoming a drug mule. Carrying drugs across the country. One girl got caught on her first ever trip. She had been in about 6 months and Krista wanted her to be able to talk to her children. We sent her money to buy a phone card. In the midst of Krista telling us and wishing for more phone cards an idea began to form. I had already been speaking in churches before Krista's arrest but had stopped because of our emotional pain. But the time had come to get out of the ashes and get to not only living but to bring a little joy behind those old walls. I went to a church and shared Krista's story. They took an offering and over $3000.00 was raised. We bought phone cards and Bibles...it was amazing! Our local church raised money and other churches and even a few youth groups! We have helped a lot of girls because of Krista's story.
It isn't easy to have your life mistakes talked about publicly but Krista wants others to see how quickly situations and choices can snowball.
Behind those walls is someones daughter, someones mother, someones sister...many are forgotten but their voices echo as they cry out for help, for love...for hope. We have what they need, if we listen.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Letters from Home
The first week was spent hanging over a toilet, my stomach unable to comprehend anything but my nerves creating havoc. All I could think of was Krista in jail...scared, crying, and alone. Her case was plastered on the media and she begged us not to come until it died down. She was fearful because of the circumstances of the case. Jaron went to see her and it just about did him in. They both just cried.
The media was saying that she would be in her 80's before she was released. The newspapers online had blogs that classified her as the lowest of life forms and that she must have been raised by monsters. They only had one side of the story, much of it false information. The t.v showed her for her first court appearance...she looked so fragile, so scared and the one newscast actually said there had to be more to the story - "She has the face of an angel."
Our home had people stopping by to bring food, to ask what they could do, to console, to offer any kind of help...word spread quickly in the community and I had people stop me on the street who knew Krista to tell me little stories of things she had done for them. Total strangers stopped by my house with notes to send to her. They would say..."You don't know me but your daughter once helped me". It was amazing and yet humbling at the same time to see how many lives she had touched.
Krista was arrested right before Christmas. I had written a drama entitled "Letters from Home"...it was a story of an angel who was the heavenly mail carrier...he delivered messages over the centuries of time even today. One scene was a young girl standing alone by a burning old barrel trying to keep warm. She lived on the streets, had run away from home...the angel put a letter in her backpack that her mother had written to her. A letter full of love for a daughter who had become a prodigal, who had left for a distant land, who lived in the pig pen of life, at the bottom of the well... a letter telling her no matter what that she loved her and wanted her home. As this scene played out, tears became to roll as people related this scene to Krista, you could hear little catch sobs, hear sniffles and blowing of the noses...it was sad yet so powerful...
Krista had been the prodigal, at the bottom of the well and yet God in His mercy spared her life. She knows that had she not been arrested she would have been dead. He gave her a second chance. The church used a mailbox as part of it's decorations for that program and it began to fill up with cards and letters to Krista...I put them all in a several big envelopes and sent them off. The guard came to her cell a few days later and said "I don't know where you are from but I want you to know you have good people" and he handed her the packets...she wept, letters from home.
This is a writing Krista wrote in the first few weeks of her ordeal.
Escape to Heaven
By Krista M. Harris
My mind tries to escape this reality
Which has become a constant fatality
To a place beyond these cold walls
It’s what my heart longs for and my soul calls
It pulls me to warmth, comfort and no pain.
This is not a factual place, just a brief mind frame.
Here I’m never lonely, never in any danger,
My soul rests, never conflicted with anger.
A loving touch, a warm embrace
I lie in the grass; let the sun kiss my face.
At this moment no stress nor a tear
I have no problems, no feelings of fear
Am I asleep or day dreaming?
Or is comfort what I’m feigning?
Much too happy in my ignorance to ponder this
I’m able to be uplifted, enjoying my personal bliss.
As I relax I slowly slip into a deep trance
Into a magical land where every wish it grants
I’m in heaven and it’s all through my vision
Then I stir… blink and realize….
I’m still in prison.
Copyright Mud Pie Productions 2006
The media was saying that she would be in her 80's before she was released. The newspapers online had blogs that classified her as the lowest of life forms and that she must have been raised by monsters. They only had one side of the story, much of it false information. The t.v showed her for her first court appearance...she looked so fragile, so scared and the one newscast actually said there had to be more to the story - "She has the face of an angel."
Our home had people stopping by to bring food, to ask what they could do, to console, to offer any kind of help...word spread quickly in the community and I had people stop me on the street who knew Krista to tell me little stories of things she had done for them. Total strangers stopped by my house with notes to send to her. They would say..."You don't know me but your daughter once helped me". It was amazing and yet humbling at the same time to see how many lives she had touched.
Krista was arrested right before Christmas. I had written a drama entitled "Letters from Home"...it was a story of an angel who was the heavenly mail carrier...he delivered messages over the centuries of time even today. One scene was a young girl standing alone by a burning old barrel trying to keep warm. She lived on the streets, had run away from home...the angel put a letter in her backpack that her mother had written to her. A letter full of love for a daughter who had become a prodigal, who had left for a distant land, who lived in the pig pen of life, at the bottom of the well... a letter telling her no matter what that she loved her and wanted her home. As this scene played out, tears became to roll as people related this scene to Krista, you could hear little catch sobs, hear sniffles and blowing of the noses...it was sad yet so powerful...
Krista had been the prodigal, at the bottom of the well and yet God in His mercy spared her life. She knows that had she not been arrested she would have been dead. He gave her a second chance. The church used a mailbox as part of it's decorations for that program and it began to fill up with cards and letters to Krista...I put them all in a several big envelopes and sent them off. The guard came to her cell a few days later and said "I don't know where you are from but I want you to know you have good people" and he handed her the packets...she wept, letters from home.
This is a writing Krista wrote in the first few weeks of her ordeal.
Escape to Heaven
By Krista M. Harris
My mind tries to escape this reality
Which has become a constant fatality
To a place beyond these cold walls
It’s what my heart longs for and my soul calls
It pulls me to warmth, comfort and no pain.
This is not a factual place, just a brief mind frame.
Here I’m never lonely, never in any danger,
My soul rests, never conflicted with anger.
A loving touch, a warm embrace
I lie in the grass; let the sun kiss my face.
At this moment no stress nor a tear
I have no problems, no feelings of fear
Am I asleep or day dreaming?
Or is comfort what I’m feigning?
Much too happy in my ignorance to ponder this
I’m able to be uplifted, enjoying my personal bliss.
As I relax I slowly slip into a deep trance
Into a magical land where every wish it grants
I’m in heaven and it’s all through my vision
Then I stir… blink and realize….
I’m still in prison.
Copyright Mud Pie Productions 2006
Saturday, April 12, 2008
My Daughter's House
My Daughter's House...what a funny name for a blog you might say. As you, our friends ,know our daughter, Krista is currently in a federal prison. The girls call their cells "home". It is the only "home" they know at this point and for some of them it has been home or will be home for years.
Krista...Krista has a magnetic personality. She is sweet. She is~ roll on the floor until you are crying funny! Krista is loving and cuddly. Krista is the type of person that you are so happy to have in your life...she is unique. Having said all that , Krista went through a time of great questioning...of her faith, of her values & even of her belief in God.
Krista went to stay with Frank's sister for a summer...there she met some people. She felt she could be an influence. Before we knew it, she was living with a guy and everything went down hill from there.He was into dealing drugs, he was controlling and became abusive. To make a long story short...he went back to prison for a parole violation and she broke up with him. He got out and stalked her. Wanting her to come back to him. She had moved on and had another boyfriend..things began to heat up. She was scared but her boyfriend didn't want to move away because of his mother. She was not well and he felt he needed to be close. Her boss offered her a gun to protect herself and we told her not to take it.
Krista was called and asked to come over to a friends apartment. She went and her ex was there.
She was stripped, she was held at gunpoint, a loaded gun cocked and held in her mouth for 45 minutes. Finally she was let go and told the next time he saw her she would be dead. She went to her boss. She wanted to protect herself. She asked for the gun. He said a friend had it. Unknown to her he was an ex con and a confidential informant. He called an undercover officer and told him she wanted her ex killed. They met and she was asked to trade something for the gun. She offered cocaine. She went and got it and the discussion turned to killing the ex...they led her, she panicked and in the end she agreed to have him killed.
I will never forget that Saturday morning as long as I live. The phone rang and it was Krista's boyfriend sobbing on the other end of the line. "I'm so sorry" he sobbed "I'm so sorry". I asked him where Krista was and all he could do was cry. Finally, I felt the rage of a mother bear over her cub... I wanted to know yet I didn't...because I thought she was dead. "Where is my daughter?" I demanded in a firm voice. His voice finally came through, "She is in jail."
I was stunned. "In jail? For what?" His answer came out in the midst of sobs "Conspiracy to commit murder in the first degree and drug trafficking."
My knees gave way and I hit the floor crying out "Oh God, no! No, God , please no!" Together on the phone we sobbed. My best friend, Laurie walked in the house and knew something was horribly wrong. My baby, my Krista was sitting in a jail.
Frank was outside. I went out and told him. His face went white. We got on the phone and called the county jail. I asked if Krista was being held there. The officer assured me that he was sitting across the desk from her. He handed the phone to her and all she could say was "I am so sorry". We all cried.
That was a dark day. I had two photo shoots to do and had just talked to my daughter who was crying so hard that it rattled me to the core. Frank and I decided not to say anything to our church yet. We called our family & my best friend knew. Laurie, my best friend was in shock too. Her daughter , Kelly and Krista were best friends and had been for years. Krista calls Laurie her 2nd mom! Together we cried and she helped calm me down enough to do my shoots. The only other person I told was Carol Mullins. Doug and Carol had been my pastors when I was about 10 years old. I would sit with her on Sunday nights and pretend she was my mom. My mom died when I was 2 and my home life was not good. The month before in Nov, I found her. I had looked for a very long time - wanting to thank her for what she had meant to me. I found her and 2 weeks later Krista was arrested and once again she was there when I needed her.
We decided to call a special church board meeting for that Monday night. As we told them , cries came out and tears flowed. Everyone was upset, this was not something you would expect from Krista. Krista was known for compassion, Krista was the child who when she was in first grade had us drive her an hour and a half each way to see a little boy who was in her class that was in the children's hospital with cancer. Krista is the child who motivated us to sing Christmas carols to him outside his home in minus 20 degree weather because he couldn't come out. Krista is the person that stood up for the underdogs, who went on mission trips and held sick heads over toilets when they all got sick, Krista is the girl who volunteered at the hospital to read to the patients and cried when they passed on. Krista is the teen who worked in a nursing home as an aide and gave up her Christmas so a mother could be home with her kids, Krista is the person who along with a friend rescued a man from a burning truck, Krista is the person who would fill her car with friends to go see her friend, Ryan who lost the use of his body in an accident and was living in the hospital...this was the Krista they knew...now she was on suicide watch, wearing a paper gown and vomiting because she was so scared. The church stood beside us. Helping to pay for our flights to the states, sending letters to the judge, writing Krista and sending her money and books.
Frank and I took turns flying to the states so she would have more visits. I flew down the first time with Laurie. We rented a car and drove to the holding facility. She had been moved from the county jail. We parked in the lot and I looked at the fences, the razor wire, the gates that separated us and I wept. The next day we went for our visit. My nerves were keyed up...I didn't know what to expect, there is no manual for visiting your child in prison. We walked into a room that had little cubicles like in an ace school. It was like a horseshoe, and instead of a wall there was Plexiglas and telephones. We saw Krista in the corner and as I walked up she looked in my eyes and sobbed...I picked up the phone and heard"I'm so sorry, mom. I am so sorry."
We took turns visiting with her for the next 2 hours and laughed and cried. I asked her where her birthstone ring was that her dad and I had bought her. It was stolen that fateful night. I told her I wanted to get her a ring and I would wear it until the day she was free as a symbol that this painful season didn't come to stay that it would pass. That someday I would put the ring on her finger. She cried. It was time to say goodbye, to leave her there...I put my hand on the glass and she placed hers there, it was the closest we could get..she kissed at the glass and I kissed her back. We were both crying now. I went to leave, looking back I saw her inmate friends surround her, they were comforting her as she stood there tears rolling down her cheeks.
We stayed a few days as she had a court appearance. We sat in the court as they brought her in. Her legs shackled, wearing little floppy shoes as she tried to get to her seat. They had uncuffed her hands before she came in so she waved and mouthed "I love you". I had asked the lawyer to ask the Marshalls if I could hug her before they led her out again. The hearing finished and I saw her lawyer talk to the Marshall and his head shook out the answer "No". Krista hearing this conversation began to cry hard and I lost it. Her lawyer who is a christian gathered my daughter in her arms and held her...I saw her whisper in Krista's ear. They led her away, shuffling her feet. As she walked by I cried out "I love you!" She looked at me and I held a ring up, she nodded her head. I had bought a ring over the weekend for her, our symbol...I wanted her to know that I had kept my promise.
They led her to a door and the Marshall pulled out his cuffs..."Please," I heard her say "Please, not in front of my mom".He turned his body and stood where I couldn't see, cuffed her and she was gone. I stumbled out of the court room heart broken, so close to touching her and yet so far. I leaned against he wall, my friend with her arms around me as she cried herself. Krista's lawyer came out and walked up to me and without saying anything she took me in her arms and then after a few moments she said " I hugged your daughter and as I did I told her "Krista, this hug is from your mother! Now Shari, I am telling you this hug is from your daughter!" The flood gates were now completely open. Reality was more than complete.
Court dates are set and broken. Krista had a wonderful female lawyer who went beyond the call of duty! Her charges were down graded to trying to negotiate a murder for hire by telephone. They dropped the drug charges. Krista was set to go to trial on Oct 31st 2006 but they wanted her to testify against the person who helped her get the drugs. She refused. Her lawyer had a conflict of interest with the person who sold the drugs and if Krista went to trial she would have to get a new lawyer..t he new lawyer was going to make her testify against the person who got the drugs in order to save Krista and get her less time. Krista said "This is my sin, my issue. I can't look in the mirror every morning knowing I am free because I told on someone else." So she settled with a plea bargain of 7 years and the agreement that we could argue at sentencing for lesser time.
We were exhausted. We knew that Krista was going to serve time and we needed to be in the States as we were living and pastoring in Canada. Frank once again called a special board meeting and he resigned. The motion needed to be made to accept his resignation. you could hear a pin drop. No one would make the motion. They offered a sabbatical but we knew it would be years before Krista would be allowed to cross the border. Finally they made a motion that because of their love for Krista they would accept Frank's resignation... A churches love not only for their pastor but for a little girl they had known since she was 8 years old!
We went back and forth trying to decide where to move. We had no clue where Krista would be sent...before our move I decided to go see Krista and go to see a friend of hers who had been moved to Fort Worth , Texas. This girl had saved Krista from a beating by another inmate. I also decided to go and see Sherrill and Linda Stiles. Linda had been another person who had influenced me so much in my youth....oh, the hours at camps that she listened to me rattle on! She agreed to go with me to visit the prison in Fort Worth. It was a great time and we saw Shawn, Laurie and their family. Nathan was undergoing treatments and it tore my heart up to see him so unwell. We also met up with Leeman, Stacy and their family. It was a time for rest in my heart before the storm to come. I spoke to Stiles church and it was amazing to see Krista's story touch hearts and lives.
I went home ready to move when I received a phone call. I had been dizzy and had some tests before my trip and the results were in...it looked like their was something on my brain. Well, our medical insurance was in Canada so to make a long story short...we moved Frank and all our belongings to the States so he could be close to not only Krista but our son, Jaron as well. Jaron was not dealing well with the situation at all. A decision had to be made and Frank moved and I stayed. I lived with my friends , Pat & Laurie Schneider for about 9 months. I have a noncancerous tumor on my hearing nerve. It is still there as it is too delicate at this point to operate on.
Krista was sentenced in March 2007. It was a 2 day sentencing as they allowed us to argue. She had been examined and was found to be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and showed all the signs of a battered woman. The undercover cop came forward to the judge and admitted that they led Krista in the decision of the murder for hire. There was a huge support system for Krista but in the end the judge gave her 5 years 10 months. It was gut wrenching. Her lawyer thought she go free or at the most be in a few months. We had bought clothes to bring her home.
So in July of 2007 Krista was taken to W.V to the federal prison there. I moved to the States in Oct and went to see her. What a day it was... I hadn't touched my daughter in over 2 years and now I would be holding her! I was in the visitation room, nervous, excited, anxious...why didn't they hurry with her faster. The door swung open and she walked in...so beautiful, a nervous smile on her face...we hurried to each other and it was so emotional that there are no words to describe it!
Well, that is a start of what I have to say...there is so much to tell, to share..not only about Krista but about the other girls who call me their mother. Most of them have no support and we have become family. So in my daughter's house... there is chaos, there is pain, there is sorrow, there is regret but also there is something that trumps it all...in my daughter's house there is God!
Krista...Krista has a magnetic personality. She is sweet. She is~ roll on the floor until you are crying funny! Krista is loving and cuddly. Krista is the type of person that you are so happy to have in your life...she is unique. Having said all that , Krista went through a time of great questioning...of her faith, of her values & even of her belief in God.
Krista went to stay with Frank's sister for a summer...there she met some people. She felt she could be an influence. Before we knew it, she was living with a guy and everything went down hill from there.He was into dealing drugs, he was controlling and became abusive. To make a long story short...he went back to prison for a parole violation and she broke up with him. He got out and stalked her. Wanting her to come back to him. She had moved on and had another boyfriend..things began to heat up. She was scared but her boyfriend didn't want to move away because of his mother. She was not well and he felt he needed to be close. Her boss offered her a gun to protect herself and we told her not to take it.
Krista was called and asked to come over to a friends apartment. She went and her ex was there.
She was stripped, she was held at gunpoint, a loaded gun cocked and held in her mouth for 45 minutes. Finally she was let go and told the next time he saw her she would be dead. She went to her boss. She wanted to protect herself. She asked for the gun. He said a friend had it. Unknown to her he was an ex con and a confidential informant. He called an undercover officer and told him she wanted her ex killed. They met and she was asked to trade something for the gun. She offered cocaine. She went and got it and the discussion turned to killing the ex...they led her, she panicked and in the end she agreed to have him killed.
I will never forget that Saturday morning as long as I live. The phone rang and it was Krista's boyfriend sobbing on the other end of the line. "I'm so sorry" he sobbed "I'm so sorry". I asked him where Krista was and all he could do was cry. Finally, I felt the rage of a mother bear over her cub... I wanted to know yet I didn't...because I thought she was dead. "Where is my daughter?" I demanded in a firm voice. His voice finally came through, "She is in jail."
I was stunned. "In jail? For what?" His answer came out in the midst of sobs "Conspiracy to commit murder in the first degree and drug trafficking."
My knees gave way and I hit the floor crying out "Oh God, no! No, God , please no!" Together on the phone we sobbed. My best friend, Laurie walked in the house and knew something was horribly wrong. My baby, my Krista was sitting in a jail.
Frank was outside. I went out and told him. His face went white. We got on the phone and called the county jail. I asked if Krista was being held there. The officer assured me that he was sitting across the desk from her. He handed the phone to her and all she could say was "I am so sorry". We all cried.
That was a dark day. I had two photo shoots to do and had just talked to my daughter who was crying so hard that it rattled me to the core. Frank and I decided not to say anything to our church yet. We called our family & my best friend knew. Laurie, my best friend was in shock too. Her daughter , Kelly and Krista were best friends and had been for years. Krista calls Laurie her 2nd mom! Together we cried and she helped calm me down enough to do my shoots. The only other person I told was Carol Mullins. Doug and Carol had been my pastors when I was about 10 years old. I would sit with her on Sunday nights and pretend she was my mom. My mom died when I was 2 and my home life was not good. The month before in Nov, I found her. I had looked for a very long time - wanting to thank her for what she had meant to me. I found her and 2 weeks later Krista was arrested and once again she was there when I needed her.
We decided to call a special church board meeting for that Monday night. As we told them , cries came out and tears flowed. Everyone was upset, this was not something you would expect from Krista. Krista was known for compassion, Krista was the child who when she was in first grade had us drive her an hour and a half each way to see a little boy who was in her class that was in the children's hospital with cancer. Krista is the child who motivated us to sing Christmas carols to him outside his home in minus 20 degree weather because he couldn't come out. Krista is the person that stood up for the underdogs, who went on mission trips and held sick heads over toilets when they all got sick, Krista is the girl who volunteered at the hospital to read to the patients and cried when they passed on. Krista is the teen who worked in a nursing home as an aide and gave up her Christmas so a mother could be home with her kids, Krista is the person who along with a friend rescued a man from a burning truck, Krista is the person who would fill her car with friends to go see her friend, Ryan who lost the use of his body in an accident and was living in the hospital...this was the Krista they knew...now she was on suicide watch, wearing a paper gown and vomiting because she was so scared. The church stood beside us. Helping to pay for our flights to the states, sending letters to the judge, writing Krista and sending her money and books.
Frank and I took turns flying to the states so she would have more visits. I flew down the first time with Laurie. We rented a car and drove to the holding facility. She had been moved from the county jail. We parked in the lot and I looked at the fences, the razor wire, the gates that separated us and I wept. The next day we went for our visit. My nerves were keyed up...I didn't know what to expect, there is no manual for visiting your child in prison. We walked into a room that had little cubicles like in an ace school. It was like a horseshoe, and instead of a wall there was Plexiglas and telephones. We saw Krista in the corner and as I walked up she looked in my eyes and sobbed...I picked up the phone and heard"I'm so sorry, mom. I am so sorry."
We took turns visiting with her for the next 2 hours and laughed and cried. I asked her where her birthstone ring was that her dad and I had bought her. It was stolen that fateful night. I told her I wanted to get her a ring and I would wear it until the day she was free as a symbol that this painful season didn't come to stay that it would pass. That someday I would put the ring on her finger. She cried. It was time to say goodbye, to leave her there...I put my hand on the glass and she placed hers there, it was the closest we could get..she kissed at the glass and I kissed her back. We were both crying now. I went to leave, looking back I saw her inmate friends surround her, they were comforting her as she stood there tears rolling down her cheeks.
We stayed a few days as she had a court appearance. We sat in the court as they brought her in. Her legs shackled, wearing little floppy shoes as she tried to get to her seat. They had uncuffed her hands before she came in so she waved and mouthed "I love you". I had asked the lawyer to ask the Marshalls if I could hug her before they led her out again. The hearing finished and I saw her lawyer talk to the Marshall and his head shook out the answer "No". Krista hearing this conversation began to cry hard and I lost it. Her lawyer who is a christian gathered my daughter in her arms and held her...I saw her whisper in Krista's ear. They led her away, shuffling her feet. As she walked by I cried out "I love you!" She looked at me and I held a ring up, she nodded her head. I had bought a ring over the weekend for her, our symbol...I wanted her to know that I had kept my promise.
They led her to a door and the Marshall pulled out his cuffs..."Please," I heard her say "Please, not in front of my mom".He turned his body and stood where I couldn't see, cuffed her and she was gone. I stumbled out of the court room heart broken, so close to touching her and yet so far. I leaned against he wall, my friend with her arms around me as she cried herself. Krista's lawyer came out and walked up to me and without saying anything she took me in her arms and then after a few moments she said " I hugged your daughter and as I did I told her "Krista, this hug is from your mother! Now Shari, I am telling you this hug is from your daughter!" The flood gates were now completely open. Reality was more than complete.
Court dates are set and broken. Krista had a wonderful female lawyer who went beyond the call of duty! Her charges were down graded to trying to negotiate a murder for hire by telephone. They dropped the drug charges. Krista was set to go to trial on Oct 31st 2006 but they wanted her to testify against the person who helped her get the drugs. She refused. Her lawyer had a conflict of interest with the person who sold the drugs and if Krista went to trial she would have to get a new lawyer..t he new lawyer was going to make her testify against the person who got the drugs in order to save Krista and get her less time. Krista said "This is my sin, my issue. I can't look in the mirror every morning knowing I am free because I told on someone else." So she settled with a plea bargain of 7 years and the agreement that we could argue at sentencing for lesser time.
We were exhausted. We knew that Krista was going to serve time and we needed to be in the States as we were living and pastoring in Canada. Frank once again called a special board meeting and he resigned. The motion needed to be made to accept his resignation. you could hear a pin drop. No one would make the motion. They offered a sabbatical but we knew it would be years before Krista would be allowed to cross the border. Finally they made a motion that because of their love for Krista they would accept Frank's resignation... A churches love not only for their pastor but for a little girl they had known since she was 8 years old!
We went back and forth trying to decide where to move. We had no clue where Krista would be sent...before our move I decided to go see Krista and go to see a friend of hers who had been moved to Fort Worth , Texas. This girl had saved Krista from a beating by another inmate. I also decided to go and see Sherrill and Linda Stiles. Linda had been another person who had influenced me so much in my youth....oh, the hours at camps that she listened to me rattle on! She agreed to go with me to visit the prison in Fort Worth. It was a great time and we saw Shawn, Laurie and their family. Nathan was undergoing treatments and it tore my heart up to see him so unwell. We also met up with Leeman, Stacy and their family. It was a time for rest in my heart before the storm to come. I spoke to Stiles church and it was amazing to see Krista's story touch hearts and lives.
I went home ready to move when I received a phone call. I had been dizzy and had some tests before my trip and the results were in...it looked like their was something on my brain. Well, our medical insurance was in Canada so to make a long story short...we moved Frank and all our belongings to the States so he could be close to not only Krista but our son, Jaron as well. Jaron was not dealing well with the situation at all. A decision had to be made and Frank moved and I stayed. I lived with my friends , Pat & Laurie Schneider for about 9 months. I have a noncancerous tumor on my hearing nerve. It is still there as it is too delicate at this point to operate on.
Krista was sentenced in March 2007. It was a 2 day sentencing as they allowed us to argue. She had been examined and was found to be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and showed all the signs of a battered woman. The undercover cop came forward to the judge and admitted that they led Krista in the decision of the murder for hire. There was a huge support system for Krista but in the end the judge gave her 5 years 10 months. It was gut wrenching. Her lawyer thought she go free or at the most be in a few months. We had bought clothes to bring her home.
So in July of 2007 Krista was taken to W.V to the federal prison there. I moved to the States in Oct and went to see her. What a day it was... I hadn't touched my daughter in over 2 years and now I would be holding her! I was in the visitation room, nervous, excited, anxious...why didn't they hurry with her faster. The door swung open and she walked in...so beautiful, a nervous smile on her face...we hurried to each other and it was so emotional that there are no words to describe it!
Well, that is a start of what I have to say...there is so much to tell, to share..not only about Krista but about the other girls who call me their mother. Most of them have no support and we have become family. So in my daughter's house... there is chaos, there is pain, there is sorrow, there is regret but also there is something that trumps it all...in my daughter's house there is God!
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